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No wonder no woman was interested in him.Finally, at about 1 AM, Brian fell into a troubled sleep. Hedreamed of being chased down a hallway and caught and beaten again.He dreamed about attractive girls pointing at him and laughing.Finally, he had a dream where someone asked him, "Child, why are youso unhappy?" He said he was unhappy because he made such a mess ofthings and was too weak to even help a child. What kind of a manwas he anyway? Then the voice said that "Everything you have donetoday was good. You were generous to Andrea even though she did notwant to be with you. And you tried your hardest to help the womanand child escape." Yes," said Brian, "but just trying isn't enough. To be the kind ofperson I want to be I need to succeed, to actually make thingsbetter. That's the only way I can matter to someone and I want tomatter in someone's life. I'm so lonesome." I see," said the voice. "Well, that will happen. It is just amatter of time. Go to sleep now. You have. . friend, I don't want to attend your funeral any time soon. Joe's worried too. Get on that old bike of yours, go get lost for a couple of weeks. Get laid ... something."Meeting her eyes, seeing the determination, knowing it was futile arguing that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do, nothing to fill my life with except work. Handing over my work mobile. Packing a couple of changes of clothes, dressing for a cold drive. Setting off after lunch, turning off the A14 ... no point in sitting in stationary traffic.The crash.Bella.Zeke.Bella.I can't say I slept well; it felt as though I was awake all night. Truthfully, I expect I was dipping in and out of a shallow doze, but I gave up about six o'clock, had a shower, made myself a cup of instant coffee ... I needed the caffeine ... and tried to find out something about Durham. At seven, I went out, found a small café and indulged in a real breakfast with real coffee. Wasn't as good as Bella's, though. Why was I thinking about Bella?I'd had.
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