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” “Just lie there and relax. You stuffed things up by making me come in the Spa; I take a bit of time to get up to attention again.” I poured some oil on my hands and started kneading the mussels at the back of the neck and moved down her back, searching out any tight knots. When I got into the lower back and moved onto her butt muscles, she said that maybe I did know what I was doing, and where did I learn it. So I told her about a girl I used to know that was a proper medical masseuse, and that she had taught me her techniques so I could massage her. As I was talking, I moved back up and worked on the knots I had found. We were quiet for about ten minutes, and then she came out with, “I don’t think I will be able to take all of you. Brian is quite small, and it hurts when I have sex with him. I think I must be very small or something.” “I have never had problems with any girl regarding size. I think maybe you have just not been ready. Does he get you lubricated, or is it. You inside. Forget what other people are!"She wanted me to tell her what my plans were, precisely, when I returned home. I told her I'd keep working. She asked why I was so willing to sacrifice the things I really wanted by wearing myself out with a paper route. I told her I wanted a car, I wanted freedom to move around, I wanted the clothes, friends, and independence others had.She said, "But having what others have isn't the same as being yourself, finding out who you really are." She said I should be in the theater, and I had better opportunities for a future in college if I spent more time in activities at Christian Brothers. I told her I didn't want to be in high school, I wanted to be in any other place. She was amused and somewhat awed by my willingness to risk everything I had for everything I didn't have. She said I should work with what was available. She told me I was trying too hard to be everyone but myself."I'd like to be," I said earnestly, "like you."She laughed.
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