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”“My missus dumped me ‘cos she says I’m too obsessed with football,” said the first fella.“How long have you been with her?” asked the second fella.“Six seasons.”A young Scotsman leaves home and moves to New York. After six months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. “Horrible,” he says. “They’re always yelling and screaming. I hate how they constantly pound on the walls and stomp the floors.”“How do you get by?” she asks.“I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes,” says the Scot.A man is on trial for cannibalism. He proclaims to the judge, “Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man.”I rang work and said, “I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.”The boss replied, “You have a wee cough?”I said, “Wow, thanks boss, see you next Wednesday!”A fly is minding his own business when a gnat lands on its back. Bemused, the fly says, “Is there a gnat on my back?”The gnat says, “Gnat at all.”“That’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard,” says the. She gripped onto his shoulders while his hands kneaded her ass as they slowly ground together. She felt him start to get nice and hard pressing up against her pussy through his thin briefs. His hands, already down her pants and massaging her ass, traced the waist of her sweatpants, tugging gently and slowly pulling them down. She felt his hot, heavy breaths falling onto her neck and collarbone, making her moan softly. She slowly crawled off of him and stood, leaving him hot on the bed. Her hands tangled up in her hair as she threw her head back and let her lips part. Her hands travelled down her body, caressing her face, cupping a breast, inching to the hem of her shirt. Slowly, she pulled her top up revealing more and more creamy skin to him. She then pulled it over her head leaving her breasts bare to his eyes and the chilly air. She sauntered up to him, extra sway in her hips, and leaned down to kiss him, letting him slowly remove her pants himself. As he led her waistband down.
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