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I remember thinking there and then that I had to get hold of myself. This was exciting me too much. I was becoming accustomed to the coupling of sexual pleasure with the inflicting of pain, even though it was not I who was doing the inflicting. It was exciting me more and more nevertheless. I remember thinking that one day not so very far away I would have to return to my former life as an accountant, going home every evening to a lonely apartment to eat a TV dinner in front of the tube. How would I manage to find and keep a girlfriend if secretly my earnest desire was to see her tied to a post, royally laced with weal marks and viciously cunt-whipped? Angel appeared and took me by the arm. ‘You survived, I see,’ she said with only the faintest trace of sarcasm. ‘Angel, I don’t like this,’ I said to her urgently. ‘I agree I got excited. I did find the whipping of the girls a turn-on. I won’t deny it. I even didn’t mind when she whipped me. But this shouldn’t go on. It’s not good for. To not be so nice and sweet in everything we do. I would love for him to pick me up and just take me. Pound himself into me like he can’t live without me. I’d love for him to tie me up and make me beg. Just once. But Matt would never make me beg for anything. There’s this fantasy I have where for once I’m not shy or soft spoken. In the fantasy I’m a sly little tease, one who flips her hair and gives those come hither looks. And I’m someone who can make Matt quake with wanting me so badly. In my mind I’ll be wearing a short little skirt and a pair of barely there panties and I’ll accidentally bend too far over in front of him. I’ll wear a blouse with several buttons undone to give just enough of a hint to what’s underneath. Somehow in my fantasy I’m very good at this seductress tease act, though in reality I don’t believe I could ever do a thing to goad Matt into a sexual riot. But the teasing isn’t what I like about the fantasy. It’s where the teasing gets me. In my mind I’ll look.
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