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For instance: it is vital that you DO NOT read what you have written straight after you have written it. Since writing about it requires me to be depressed in the first place, I've found that if I re-read the thing I get even more depressed and have to do something horrible to myself. Usually cutting, biting or burning; although I've been punching bits until they go numb lately (slightly strange; you'd think I could just walk into the street and say "Hi" to save myself the effort, but it's... different when I do it). The disadvantage is that you walk around with a limp, or you can't use both bits of cutlery, or some such thing.I manage to get another three or four lines down before I break off. Shit, I can feel myself slipping, got to occupy myself. All I can think about is how much I hate myself, my body, my life. I shouldn't have started writing; it's brought all the feelings out again.All I can do is think these days, and when a thought starts going round in my head it's. Two hours later Marcus drove his car along the pot-holed road until he arrived at a shabby looking building. He knocked on a door and an old man opened it to look at him. “You're keen!” He cackled through broken discoloured teeth. The old man led him into a small room with holes in one wall. There was a flask of coffee, plastic cups and a case of cheap beer on top of a table. Standing in the far corner were 3 well-dressed businessmen nervously looking towards him. All the men nodded ‘hello’. “You can watch from there!” The old man said pointing to the opposite wall.Nervously he tentatively looked through a peephole into the stark room beyond. All he could see was an old sofa, a dirty mattress and a strip light lighting the room from the ceiling. His heart was now racing now and his stomach was turned. He suddenly couldn't believe what he had done. He had set his beautiful step-daughter up to be ****d! What had started out as a wank fantasy was now turning into reality and not.
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