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" And it didn't occur to you to look for someone to do this with onceshe was gone?"Again he stared. "I didn't? Sir, I thought I was the only one like this."Not a TV watcher at all, then. I gave him a slow smile as a reward forhis honesty. "Well," I said, "then it's lucky for you that I live justdown the street."He looked uneasy rather than pleased. I guessed it was because of theclose connection between my question about Jessie and my statement aboutmyself. I decided I really didn't want to start him thinking; he mightspell out the letters BI in his head and get in a panic again. Instead,I took the bike chain back and proceeded to bind the upper part of hisarms. I let the chain dig into his chest just below his nipples; it wouldmake a beautiful pattern-work afterwards for him to admire.The dryer beeped. About time. I pulled open the door, and after shortsearch I found the dress-sock. It was long enough for my purposes. I heldit up for his inspection.He got it right away this time, and. “You have a serious mental block, Mike,” Clarissa said. “And I think it’s more than just the promise.”“Fantasy intersecting with reality?” I asked.Clarissa nodded, “And how your fantasy about Jocelyn turned to ashes in your mouth.”“«Говно»,” I sighed.“You do realize that our relationship has some characteristics of a fantasy? But more like you and Jocelyn than you and Tasha.”I smirked, “Don’t be so sure!”Clarissa smiled and shook her head, “All teasing aside, you could never just have sex with me anymore than you could with Jocelyn. That was the problem after the accident. You both claimed it was ‘just sex’ and it wasn’t. In fact, I suspect you both knew that.”“I did,” I admitted, “and I’m reasonably sure she did.”“And that’s part of your trepidation with Tasha, too. It’s the whole mix. What if the reality doesn’t live up to the fantasy? What if she expects it to lead to marriage? What if YOU expect it to lead to marriage? What if AFTER you do it, one of you decides it means you.
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