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Still, she'd rest her head on my shoulder and look up at me with her big, blue eyes during a love scene. As if expecting me to kiss her, her subtle signal, maybe I should have.Whenever we found a babysitter to go to the beach without the baby, as if we were lovers as well as friends, we'd walk the length of the beach and back holding hands. Then, hot from all that walking, we'd frolic in the water and lay next to one another on our towels with our toes buried in the hot sand. While putting sunscreen on one another's bodies, we touched one another nearly everywhere but the places we both so wanted to touch. Unable to resist the urge, feeling freer outdoors, it's funny how I felt more comfortable taking liberties with her hot body in public, in the water, and on the sand than I did in the privacy of my own home. Perhaps, as if haunted by my sexual feelings, with the walls of my house filled with and hanging on to the sexual desire I had for her, outside it was all play and indoors it. I was the one that had failed, so I'm not the one climbing ladders, she is the one going somewhere. She had always been more interested in a career than me so she had to be staring at the sky as well. I didn't get it.I thought that we had been equals, but I had slipped and fallen beneath her. She had stayed with me for a while out of pity, but then it was time for her to move on. Leaving me alone and going out with a new guy. It all made me feel so miserable. I was more upset by her new boyfriend than my damned failure. I had loved her so much and I had believed that she would love me forever as well. Everybody knew we loved each other. Our friends had said that we were destined to be together. Had it just been an illusion? Had it just been a house of cards, so easy to knock over?I remembered when I was nine; my mother took me to a carnival. I had a great day and we were almost on our way home when I noticed the poster for the fortuneteller. I begged my mother to take me to her and I.
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