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” Jay gently moved my hand away and threw his legs over the edge of the bed to sit up. He hung his head down and released a defeated sigh. “I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I didn’t have these desires. I’m the most fucked up man in the world. You should leave me.” I couldn’t. I loved him too much to give up. I sat behind him and hugged his body, placing a kiss on his muscular back. “You don’t deserve this,” he said. “I never should have let you convince me to do this. I hate myself. I hate that I get off from this shit.” By “this” he meant the hard-core fuck sessions with random women. “Jay, baby, we’ve been through this before. It’s not your fault—he had abused you.” My boyfriend carried a shameful secret with him, and he had never shared it with another soul, except me. He was a victim of abuse at the hands of his father. That sick bastard had done horrors to him too sick and too disturbing to discuss in detail. All I could say was that no child should have lived through what Jay. I finally heard a car go by and that gave me more hope and determination to keep going and it was daytime again. I finally got to the road and I rested on the side of it afraid to get too far on it and take a chance of getting run over. Two cars passed me until one finally must have seen me and stopped. I think the cows saved my life along with the people in that car. I’m now scared of the dark and scared of being alone and afraid to drive. I hate what they did to me but am determined to see them punished. I got to apologize to my friend and I got to tell my mom I love her. At some point I am going to go to that fence and see if I can find the cows to say thank you.”With that she looked down and stopped talking. The group session had gone on longer then the normal hour and the group leader ended the session. Elizabeth looked exhausted and just sat there and I reached over and took hold of her hand. We sat there a few minutes till most of the women had left. I took.
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