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"I pick up the sandwich I had paid hard earned money for and toss it in the trash. Why eat? I'm not going to live long anyway. I already have a plan. I'm kind of sorry to not be able to stick around and see the results. Hell, it is going to be spectacular. I wonder how many days the story will make it on the front page before someone else does something even more spectacular.I guess you could say that I'm being used. But I don't know if that's true either. See, the way I see it, I'm using them. The fact that they'll survive and I won't is beside the point. You see, I want to die. Yep, it's true. I want to die. I have no reason to go on living and no one will miss me.My foster parents? Yeah right. They'll be happy I'm not eating everything in sight, and they'll probably hope that no one at DCFS catches on so they can keep cashing the check I generate every month. Friends, who would want to be my friend? I move so much, thanks to DCFS, that making friends is a no win proposition. Now I. Maybe I’m just used to my features. I don’t know, but one man described me as a young Paul Newman, which in my mind was an amazing compliment; he’s always been my biggest old Hollywood heartthrob.Yet despite all the work I put into making my profiles the best they could be, whenever my conversations with guys turned toward meeting up, I would chicken out. I knew I wanted to be with a man, but there’s a big difference between fantasy and reality. Reality has dangers, people with bad intentions, and lots of hate. I just couldn’t get passed it.That is until HE messaged me back. He was visiting my city of Orlando, Florida for the week, and he was staying at a hotel about twenty minutes away from my home. He wasn’t looking for anything serious and neither was I; plus he was absolutely gorgeous: 27, 5’6”, wavy brown hair, emerald colored eyes, and that smile! Ugh! That smile! It was a devilish and devious looking smile; you could tell he had no good intentions behind that grin. It was.
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