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Nine months later Joseph was born.Recently, I was with child again. This time I prayed to make my unbornson a girl and let Rachel have another son. G-d did as I requested, butthe price was too high. If I had known, I would not have made the trade.A few months ago, Father came after us wanting to bring us back. He wasalso furious that he lost his idols. He searched our belongings, butRachel hid them under her and claimed it was her time of the month. Herclaim made them useless to him even if he found them under her. Sherisked too much. It would have been her life and the baby's because Papadidn't know she was with child. But I admired her bravery. Little did Iknow her life would still be forfeited.I know now Jacob loves me, but never will it be like his love for Rachel.I accept what I can have. And I sit here in sackcloth and ashes unableto stop my tears. I still can't believe she's dead.Jacob is carrying Benjamin to me, now. It must be time to feed him.Miraculously I have. Each time I masturbated I longed for her, I longed to be with her. I was beginning to be more than just smitten. I was falling in love. How could I let this happen, I thought. ‘This is crazy.’ I had experienced feelings for my lover in Spain and for at least one other person since losing my wife, but this was different. This was love. It was foolish to fall in love with Teresa. To begin with, I was at least 15 years her senior. Add to that the fact that my home was three thousand miles away. I doubted she would leave her kids and career to relocate out west and I sure wouldn’t move to New York City and leave my family behind. Besides, I thought it was probably a one sided love anyway. How could I be so arrogant to think that she would feel the same. ‘She’s just being kind to help Bernie out,’ I thought. I fell asleep and the entire night was filled with dreams of Teresa. Some were scenes of the two of us walking in the park or just spending time together. Others were erotic. The.
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