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I had joined the carnival and was traveling the US with them for a while and let myself go. I wanted nothing to do with anything from my past or anyone for that matter, not even family. You wonder how I found you, well I did learn a few things while being a carny. I have my ways. Oh and a little thing called public court records helped a little "giggles". I am happy you did write me back, but as I said, I didn't not expect to hear back from you, but am very happy you replied. I was surprised you remembered the email we used to use. I haven't used it in a long time and never check it, but out of the blue decided to check and it was a good thing. I do remember that phrase all to well, it plays in my head over and over again. Sometimes I wish I would have just said wait, I didn't mean it and go back to the way things were instead of saying yes I am sure and ending the relationship right there. I felt so bad for so long and just wanted to make things better again. But as I said, things. We stopped for breakfast.We played poker all the way through New Mexico. By the time we hit Oklahoma she owed me several million dollars. Oklahoma amazed me, as it had on the way out to California. A whole state, and not one single mountain. Barely any hills. I couldn’t believe people would live there. We ate at a little truck stop thing in Oklahoma City, and I vulgarly abused the locals for their willingness to settle in such a harsh, unpleasant land. Of course, I kept my voice low, some of the cowboys looked pretty tough. I told Willow about my friend from the air force, John, who was an Okie, a hard drinkin’ ass kickin’ cowboy. If I’d had time I would have looked him up.We talked that afternoon and evening. I talked frankly with Willow, telling her of my unhappy love life and how I craved someone who understood me and loved me for what I was. Whatever the hell that was, even I wasn’t sure about that. She was sympathetic and I loved her all the more for that. For her attitude.
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