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”“Thanks,” said Cheryl. “But it really was a defense. I wanted to be taken seriously, and not some dumb cutie.”“Not me,” said Cynthia. “I felt like a dork. I acted like a dork. I looked like a dork. I quacked like a dork. In high school, I felt awkward and ungainly. And maybe not a little bit paranoid. Like everyone would see this girl too needy for her own good. Who masturbated and felt incredibly exposed because of it. Guilty because I didn’t want them to know my secret, but somehow they knew. Looking at me. Even smelling me. My not so secret shame.“And I was omnivorous in my wanting. Whether it was the prettiest girl or the hottest guy. I wanted to touch and be touched. Craved something besides my own fingers on me. But of course I realized the fantasy lover wouldn’t happen, so I looked lower. I just needed a cock or a pussy. Both would have hands and lips. Boys as needy as me. Girls limited by their desire for their own gender. Boys proved a bad choice. Too thrilled to be with a. Nicole, her eldest, was always the level-headed one, the analytical one. She was also the pragmatic one, who seemed to accept people and their foibles. Sarah tried to make up with Matt, but he was stubborn like his father, and he was having a hard time getting past the injuries he had suffered at her hands, even though he knew that his mother had been suffering from alcohol and cocaine addiction, and depression. With the intercession of Dr. Willets, Matt was slowly coming to accept her treatment of him was a manifestation of her illness, and not absence of love. Sarah did know he rightfully blamed her for the breakup of the marriage because of the horrible treatment of his father. Sarah could only respond with regret and apologies. He was still wary but she felt confident he would eventually welcome the return of his loving and caring mother."Ready for lunch?"Sarah turned to see Nicole setting plates of sandwiches on the dining table. It was a step up from the living room and.
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