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It’s in the past, so let’s leave it there.”“I’m clinically depressed.”“I already knew that. So am I, and I’m pretty sure you knew that too.”She drew a deep breath and looked away again. “I ... uh ... wasn’t celibate while we were apart.”This actually did surprise me. I had figured she just holed up in her apartment and shut herself off from the world. “Okay. And?”“But ... I ... um ... I kind of feel like I was unfaithful to you.”“We weren’t together.”Suddenly, she leapt to her feet. “WHY NOT?” she shouted. “YOU JUST LET ME WALK OUT! YOU DIDN’T COME AFTER ME! YOU DIDN’T FIGHT FOR ME! WHY?!”Utterly baffled, I looked to Sandra for help. I had no idea what just happened, nor did I know what the right answer was at that moment.Sandra didn’t really help. “John, what’s going on with you right now?”I then remembered my ex, who was bipolar and also had borderline personality disorder. Someone once recommended a book to me that was written to help the loved ones of someone with BPD understand. In the times we found ourselves thrust in each other’s company it was due to a mutual friend but we never found it difficult to strike up a conversation. As I knew Nathan longer and longer unusual thoughts began to pop into my head. Thoughts that shouldn't have been there. I felt guilty when my mind wondered to these temptations. The image of Nathan slowly gliding towards me until he pressed his body gently against mine crept into my mind. A lick of his luscious lips and a small movement towards my firmly shut mouth followed. He flicked his bottom lip softly against my mouth. I reciprocated this motion to him. Slowly we both locked lips and tenderly let go. Our bodies began flowing with the others. It felt so wrong to fantasise about but every time I did my cock rose instantly, pulsating in my shorts.Deeply confused by this new found lust for Nathan, I carried on normally. It was just a phase I thought. This normality continued until 2 weeks ago when something that wasn't suppose to.
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