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I keep playing through what I did or where I went wrong but I keep coming blank then swap into these horrible bouts of self-loathing for not doing better at whatever the fuck was wrong. I keep thinking of him too. What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking of me at all. If he even cares about me to begin with? Etc, etc, etc. Insert standard sadness shit here, blah... As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in. For a vampire I looked entirely too playful, but it felt just too cool.When we arrived, the party had already started. The bordello collected a small entrance fee, but made most of the money off drinks and of course all the prostitutes hoped that some of the guys were into a little one-on-one time. The bar area was decorated with black and red drapes, and the Sisters of Mercy were playing on the audio system to some moody lighting. We had barely entered when Martina already went off into the crowd while me and Triss steered towards a half-round sofa in the corner.The room was packed with people, as usual more guys than girls, but I was surprised to see a good number of women attending that definitely weren’t working there. I enjoyed all the costumes, most of them very gothic and dark, when suddenly two girls walked towards us.They looked like twins, both were the same height and build, stocky and sporty, but neither slender nor chubby, with long, V-shaped faces and black hair that.
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