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Anyway, she turned around coming back, right up my alley of goods sort of. And as she passed me I looked at her and her at me. She had lovely warm golden brown eyes, dancing with laughter and curiosity as she looked at me, and I tried my damned best to present that allusion of a highly intelligent, sensitive type of guy, independently wealthy with lots and lots of good humour, and in reality so much taller than I might look.I still don't know if she wanted to check me up, or if it was just me wishing that she was? Well, you're free to guess. But I'm shy when it comes to those encounters, especially when it comes to catch that fleeting moment, so I just let her pass. Carpe diem isn't really my sort of thing. And no, I don't know why I'm like that and all to often I hate it, like this time too, as I only could stand there mutely watching her pass me by, disappearing like that sweet ship in the nightThree weeks went past, me trying to spot her every time I went out, creating all sorts of. Mentally. Romantically. Please do this? For us?”“And just put everything on hold until then?” I asked.“I’m going to lose you anyway, aren’t I?”“The ball is in your court, Jos. I don’t know what you want me to do. I’ve done everything you’ve asked and I feel like we’ve gone backwards not forwards.”“It’s my fault,” she said, starting to sob again.“Honey?” Mr. Mills said, coming into the room.“It’s OK, Dad. I’m just really emotional right now.”“OK, Honey. If you’re sure.”“I am. Mike’s here. It’s OK.”He nodded and left the room again. Things were decidedly NOT OK. But I didn’t know what to do.“Jos, you know I love you. You know I’ll commit to you right here, right now, and never look at another woman. If you tell me to get up and walk out and never come back, I’ll do that, too. It’ll kill me, but I’ll do it. That’s how much I love you.”“I know,” she said softly. “I love you, too. But not like that. Not yet.”That was a punch in the gut which told me everything I needed to know. Jos and I.
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