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But, the next thing I knew, she was telling me I couldn't sleep with anyone else, or we were through. I told her 'Nothing doing.' After all, we hadn't any agreement on a relationship, nor had we discussed going together, or any of that.I think my reaction knocked her back a bit, because she simmered for a while, then one evening we began talking about things. She actually apologized for trying to nail me to the wall. And so, we went on going out, usually ending up in her bed or mine, having a good time. I wasn't sure how long it was going to last, but I couldn't argue with the way it was going.Right from the beginning she told me about her friends, these people she meets with on Wednesdays at Tom's. And about how they all seem to sleep together and get naked together. At first I thought she was talking about some kind of a sex club, which both surprised me and turned me off. I'm not into impersonal screwing; I tried it and discovered I didn't like it.But Sylvia said that wasn't it.. Even that sound screams offemininity. It may as well be a stiletto as the sound is stabbing myheart.I retreat from the window and go back to my full length mirror. Myreflection is pleasing but the niggling doubt is always there in the backof my head. I do look pretty; I know I do but I cannot summon the courageto leave my safe haven.With a strong resolve I march over to the coat hanger and put on myraincoat. It feels like a shield against the world when I decide to leavemy sanctuary.I confront the door leading out of my domain and into the big wideyonder. The door is too intimidating and I am unsure what lies without.Looking in the mirror for reassurance and courage I convince myself I ampretty but my make-up is not perfect. My DNA is totally smudged.With a sigh of resignation I retreat to the kitchen and pour myself aglass of wine. I put a little bit of soothing music on the stereo andrelax on the sofa with my legs folded beneath me and a cushion to hug incomfort.Maybe I will go out.
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