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I lowered the cell-phone and looked at the lounge area, which seemed suddenly ordinary, without her image. By the window was the small desk where I had sat to write up the events of each day. The corner by the sofa had a tall lamp under whose light we had cuddled in the evenings.On impulse, I flopped onto the sofa, exactly where she had sat. Crazily, I hoped for some residual warmth, but was the warmth I sought all in my mind? I began flicking through the pictures of the locations we visited. The Empire State Building, and many shots from the 86th floor observation deck, so many of them showing Linda and I happy together. Central Park with all the Sunday morning activities. The thrill of Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty, set against the sad, respectful 9/11 memorial.Once again, I closed the phone and rested my head on the back of the sofa. “All this way, and you’re avoiding it, aren’t you?” I scolded myself. I had not been in the bathroom, knowing that seeing it again would. All of a sudden, I wanted to be with you! I feltlike I had to talk to you and maybe get to touch you. I feel like you'rekind of part of me that I lost someplace. Oh shit man, shit! I know thissounds so fucking stupid. I'm so sorry, I really am! Maybe I just need togo and leave you alone!" "Don't you dare Bob, don't you dare! Don't you dare turn aroundand walk away! If you really wanna see me get pissed, that would do it!Believe me man, believe me!" "But Bob, this is way too weird, way too weird!" "What's too weird, what? What in the hell are you talking about?" "Me, ---following you like some little puppy wanting petted! Tom,you're a guy, I'm a guy! I shouldn't be trying to follow you like that!That was wrong, but at the time, I really couldn't think about doinganything else. May I touch your arm, ---please? Just kind of lay my handon you for a minute?" "Hell yes you can! Please do! I wanna feel your arm too! OK?" "Oh yea, oh yea! Oh yea man, that would be nice,.
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