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Your wife is on her way back up so I’m getting the hell out of here while I can.’ ‘Chicken!’ I called after him. Did I mention my wife is a redhead? ‘Better believe it.’ I heard come back through the door. ‘Hi, Daddy,’ my daughter said. (What can I say, even though she’s thirty-six, I’m still Daddy. I think it’s a southern thing. No, not that stuff. Jeeze.) ‘We’ve been worried about you. I didn’t know if you were going to make it or not. Mom has been worried to death about you. She was really afraid you were going to die before she had a chance to kill you.’ ‘Okay, thanks for that heads up. Even with a case of massive mental fog, I follow you.’ ‘David!’ cried my wife Debbie as she came into the room. ‘You son of a bitch. You pull another stunt like that and I’m never talking to you again, because you will probably kill yourself. You’ve pulled some stuff over the last 40 years, but this takes the cake. What the hell were you thinking? Or were you?’ ‘I know, Debbie. I’m sorry, but I. He said. “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to nice ripe old age.”So, the young cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to be the nice ripe old age of 96.When he died, he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren ... and a 16-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.Bad Mom?“Can you pleasehold my hand?” A mother asks her son: “Anton, do you think I’m a bad mom?”Son: “My name is Paul.”✧ ✧ ✧After the floodAfter 150 days off flooding, Noah released all the animals from his ark and commanded then to go forth and multiply.After some time, he saw that the flocks and herds were regaining their numbers, but he came across a pair of snakes who had laid no eggs, and were just laying about.“Why have you not multiplied?” he asked.To which the snakes responded, “we can’t, we’re adders.”Noah being a quick thinker went off into the woods to fell some trees, and fastened them together into a platform. He.
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