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”“To him, it’s just sex. But not to you, and I can tell.”I didn’t speak. I didn’t know what to say.“Hey, I’ll give you a ride home.” After that night, I never talked to Jamar again. I saw him in passing, but that was it. I liked him as a person because he just came and gave me some advice. He genuinely wanted the best for me, but I had no idea why.Eventually, I told Coach Krisby no more. I couldn’t take being used for his pleasures. After I finished speaking, he looked me in my eyes and laughed. I felt pure humiliation and I decided that it was best to try to forget about the past and press forward. Not long after football tryouts, it had floated around school that I was a raging faggot. So of course, it wasn’t a surprise that I was joked about and bullied every day and moment, especially when Jamar wasn’t around. It just became easier to isolate myself. I lost crazy amounts of weight because I was skipping lunch. In high school I sat in the very first seat of the bus. I was also the. I did become calmer as I spent some time alone in the wilderness, following the animals, but my heart was not really in it. In the end, I returned home with one buck and two rabbits, but I didn’t feel quite as calm as I usually did after some time in the forest. In the evening, when I cleaned my little house, I tried to convince myself that it wouldn’t have worked out, anyhow.There wasn’t any big festival in the village during the Winter solstice, but I had been invited to have dinner with Siv and Erika - and of course their parents. Luckily, I had expected that and I had purchased silver wristbands with some colorful stones for both girls while both families would get some nice warm gloves made from the deer skins. Nothing extravagant, but something useful - or nice. Sharing presents at the time of the Winter solstice was not a necessity, but an old tradition - something that happened among families and close friends. Giving presents to both girls and their parents was something.
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