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I grab hold of the vanity. My eyes and head don't seem to be communicating. Suddenly I'm awash in emotions. Guilt, lust, shame, pride to name a few. Could be the ecstasy from last night I think? I pull back up into the mirror and with a certain degree of difficulty begin to absorb what I'm seeing.I see a semi naked gay boy in an oversized oxford shirt trying to pee straight. I see a face very much like mine except for the smeared mascara and a dried white substance on a cheek. I see black hair cropped short in some places but long in others. All of that melts away when I look into those eyes. My entire known existence vanishes away in the blink of those eyes. I love seeing those long lashes and realizing they're mine. Beneath the mascara I see the eyes of the true believer. I see change, I see death and I see a rebirth. Gone is the man I was. Gone forever. As simple as that. I can see him, but he's a fading ghost.. Is this who I am? Am I really gay? Could I really be this cum stained. I was just getting into it when she suddenly grabbed my thigh." Oh my god I forgot to tell you...'' Grace launched into some gossip about the accounts department. But I wasn't listening, I was flustered from the wine and she hadn't moved her hand from my leg. My heart was racing.'' Hold that thought, I really need to use your bathroom, it must be the wine," I giggled nervously and I made my excuses and escaped to the bathroom. I had to tell her, I had to.I took a deep breath and pushed open the door, Grace's bathroom was at the end of the hallway and oddly recessed. Upon opening the door you took several paces then reached three steps down into the room. I recalled Grace had often mentioned sleeping on this minuscule staircase as a student when she was too drunk to make it back to her bedroom. Grace's taste was immaculate.Minimalist touches of elegance were scattered throughout the apartment but I particularly loved the bathroom- it was so 'zen'- the bamboo bath mat and black.
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