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“Damn you and your movies,” Carlotta said. “What have movies got to do with this?” I said. “Goddamn it Lance,” she said. “I’m looking for a man who can find this nubbin, this pearl, this little man in a boat.” She pointed to the item she was referring to once again. “That’s what I’m hiring you for. Capisce?” 3 Now that I finally understood what she wanted I got right to work. The first thing I did was take out a classified ad. “Help us find the missing clitoris.” It read. “Desperate beautiful woman. Big reward. Apply at Lance Armstrong Detective Agency, 211 South 4th.” When I got to my office on the morning the ad came out I found a long line of men stretching around the block. There must have been hundreds of them. Carlotta was waiting by the door. She was smiling. “There must be someone in among this crowd who knows how to find a pleasurenut,” she said. “Here’s how we’ll do this,” I said after we’d climbed the stairs and entered my office. I threw my fedora onto the hat rack. “You. When the woman felt Mathilda was wet enough, she slowly slid the phallus in her waiting cunt hole. Mathilda focused her licking on the woman clit and sucked on it, her cheeks looking like she was blowing into a balloon. The butch was fucking Mathilda with even strokes and moving her artificial cock in circles. ‘Fuck me harder”, cried the spinster. The butch had fucked Mathilda with her strapon hundreds of time and knew how to bring her to the brink, then stop before she reached her orgasm. The blonde butch pulled her phallus from Mathilda but kept the strap. She put the phallus in a drawer of a side table and replaced it with an instrument shorter and slimmer. Meanwhile, Mathilda was breathing very hard, working to keep her orgasm from exploding, and slowly licking her young lover who was also nearing her climax. The butch put the strap around her waist. She walked on her knees towards Mathilda, her shorter ivory phallus waving up and down as she did so. Everyone except the woman on.
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