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19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.A Seniors DilemmaI went to the liquor store Tuesday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Rum before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.A young Chinese couple gets married. She’s a virgin, and truth be told, he, who is a waiter, is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her new husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring, ‘My darring,’ he whispers, ‘I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting ... just anyting you want. You juss ass me. Whatchu want?’ he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress. Nothing.Well, not quite nothing because on the floor was a pair of classic four-inch, black leather, red-soled, stiletto-heeled, Louboutins, because nothing says 'I may be a professional but I'm a whore in the bedroom' quite like a pair of Christian's tawdry fuck-me pumps. And then my heart went all boombedy, boombedy, boom and my shower head cunny gave an extra-delighted squirt of juicy pleasure because wrapped around one of the empty coat hangers was an absolute darling black, leather choker with the word 'slave' emblazoned in sparkly diamanté across the front. Now, if that isn't suitable workwear, and possibly an insightful comment on the position of down-trodden workers in a rampant capitalist system, then I don't know what is. Well, it looked absolutely darling snuggled about my neck and with red soles flashing, tushy princess jewellery glinting and a tummy full of Rice Crispies for an extra little snap, crackle and pop, I wiggled and jiggled my way out of the house and off to.
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