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I prayed for her to cry out and respond with her normal vigor, desperately desiring for her to scream, but her chest is stiff and unresponsive as I frantically work to make her lifeless heart respond. In the emergency room when the senior physician on the code team shook his head and said, ‘That’s It, I’m calling it at 5:13 PM we can’t do anything else.’ I wanted to scream, cry, and jump up and down, anything to get them to continue. Instead, I stood for a few moments next to lifeless body after the nurses brought me to her. I was awash in emotions so deep, I wanted the pain in my heart to subside, trying desperately to hold back my inner most thoughts of anguish that threatened to sweep me away. I was brought out to the nurse’s station and was given my time to call my wife and tell her what she already knew, her baby, OUR baby was dead. I would tell her later I have never said anything, harder than those four words. The hospital administration staff had me sign the legal documents. Lena loves me because I make her mother happy. Christina may feel she owes me for saving her. I have to help her through that feeling." I guess I never looked at it that way. I guess most of us guys see another guy kick butt and that's the part we think about. Not the mental anguish the females go through," he commentedTamara came walking back in to finish clearing the table. I think she sensed she had stopped a conversation. "The coffee will be ready in a minute. Can I get you anything else?"We both said we were fine and she went back to the kitchen."I still haven't thought much about how I feel about killing that guy. I don't have any remorse as to stopping him. They gave up any chance for humane treatment when they forced themselves on a stranger." Mr. Kegler, I've been on the force for four years and I've yet to have to use deadly force. I've only had to draw my weapon once and that was to assist another officer who had fired his weapon. I don't know how I'll react if I ever have.
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