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. I just can't.I dropped the hammer and went to the mini-fridge. I pulled out a Gatorade and went to sit in the rocking chair. It wasn't even 10:00 yet, but I decided I needed a break anyway.Sitting down, I rocked and drank."I need to just decide, one way or the other," I muttered.I'm either staying, or going. And if I stay ... I have to tell her the truth.AlexisTalking with Cat last night, we decided ... it's time, whether John is ready or not. I've got on the same clothes I was wearing on our first date, and I'm not planning on wearing them long. He's going to have to completely reject me, or we're going to get over this hump and fuck each other to death.I haven't been able to concentrate for three weeks. My work at the shop is sloppy, I can't paint, I can't draw. I can barely hold a conversation with Cat or Mack. Cat was the one to finally help me decide last night."Just drive out there and throw yourself at him, Lexi. That man needs to lay some pipe, and how!"I couldn't help but. .."Pip, what are you doing to me?" Seras asked, trying not to sound angryor accusatory. Although it wasn't as if he could leave her, she didn'twant to cause tension between herself and the other soul in her body atsuch a crucial time.A laugh. It was mirthless, and it didn't originate from Seras. With it,Seras could feel a kind of nervous hope tinged with desperation. Funnyhow certain things Pip said or did caused his emotions to momentarilybecome clear to her. "You are running around, fighting for your freedom,your life. I am just a bystander, giving you advice, occasionallyseizing some control...but it isn't enough. I'm sorry, Seras, but Ican't let you do everything. I can let you keep taking the damage."Another spasm, and this time the cry was Pip's, the voice soundingdeeper than Seras's voice should have been capable of. "We are togethernow. We should each be doing our share." I don't understand," Seras admitted. She looked downward. The spasmsbecame steady, taking over her whole.
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