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When she deigned to speak at all it was in permanently teeth-clenched mode such that her over-developed cheek and jaw muscles bulged out like those of a mutant chipmunk. Indeed Richard had once referred snidely to ‘The Attack of the 50-foot Chipmunk.’ Fortunately she had been in the process of opening a bottle of Cristal and had managed to bop him in the temple with the cork, inducing several minutes of staggering lability in the asshole. ‘Oh what is it this time’, she sighed histrionically in a rather clichéd womens’ magazine fictoid. Goosing the Lamborghini in a graceful drift round the pink-pebbled final turn she skidded to rest under a Porte Cochere, accented with Italian marble and Swedish glass. She opened the gullwing door and debarked from the four-foot high vehicle in a parody of every boy scout’s dream–long slim legs, revealing as her split skirt parted, a seamed silk stocking leading to a delicate black garter–garnished with a red bow–running up her ivory thigh to the lacy. ‘It’s warm. I expected it to be cold. Is this river rock?’ she asked. ‘Yeah. It’s from the Rogue River up by Shady Cove. It’s warm because I had it included in the Hydronic heat system when I had the house built. The whole place is heated with hot water circulated through the floors, and in this case as well as the steam room and the other showers, just behind the stone. Spread your legs.’ As she did, I slid the wash fuzzy between her legs and washed her butt. It was adorable, and made me think happy thoughts. ‘Would you like me to shave your legs, Annie?’ ‘Actually, I can do it, if you’d rather not.’ ‘Well, I’m already here, and I don’t have a lot of gauze around to stop you from bleeding to death from the nicks.’ She turned around and smacked the top of my head and said, ‘Asshole,’ with a smile. ‘Just for that you have to shave my pits, too.’ ‘No problem. Anyplace else need pruning?’ ‘I don’t know. I’ve never shaved anywhere else.’ She was blushing. I got my shaving cream and got.
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