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I looked across Kate, sleeping peacefully, to Wendy who met my eyes with the biggest smile I’d seen from her in months. She mouthed the words, “She’s home!” and the two of us just watched her sleep for the next four hours.When Kate stirred again, she opened her eyes and looked around at Wendy and then at me.“It’s real. I’m really home.” She paused and took in her surroundings then sat bolt upright in bed. “I can’t be here. I need to get up.”“Wait, wait. Kate, what is it? You’re home. It’s okay.”“No. I don’t deserve to be in this bed. I’m a terrible person. I don’t deserve to be here.”There was no holding her back. She scrambled out of the bed and bedroom with Wendy and me behind her. Once out of the bedroom, she calmed down, but there was a look of panic and shame in her eyes.This was going to take a while. Whatever had happened over the past four months had affected Kate badly. We went into the kitchen and fixed coffee. Lissa picked up Melody from PCAD and joined us a little after. "Yes, Holly, you WILL miss Eric, but you're going to find that, in thenext three years, you're going to be having so much fun and making somuch money, that Eric is going to fade in your memory. Oh, you'llnever forget him and he'll always be someone very special to you, butyou are going to NEED the memories of him less and less as time goeson. Trust me, my girl. Okay?"I knew that she was right and I knew that Eric WAS always going to be'someone special' in my life. He had given me the most fantasticopportunity anyone could give another. The chance to live as, to BE,someone else, completely. Someone so different from who I WAS, that itwas like being gifted with a totally new life. I also knew that it wasgoing to be a life that would teach me more, EARN me more, than I evercould have as Jimmy. When I left the salon that afternoon to go backhome to get changed for work, I was finally in the right frame ofmind.I still knew that I was really Jimmy, wearing an incredibly realistic'womansuit'.
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