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I kept moving and after a second, it started moving. So, I jerked hard. The pain started, then the yelling started, and finally it was all the way out. I made it into the bathroom door before the piss erupted, and went everywhere. Well, I would have to apologize for the mess. Just needed to claim ignorance.Luckily, I never let the hospital gown fall, so it was clean. By the time I was done and cleaned myself off. The nurse came in.“What’s going on?”“Sorry. I had to go really bad and didn’t realize that I was hooked up.”“Oh, dear Lord. Let me get a janitor up here. Son, go lay back down.”It was during this exchange I decided on the next step. Time to head off Doctor Asshole. Laying down, I grabbed the phone on the nightstand between beds. Like every phone system, dial 9 for an outside line. I dialed my mom at work. Luckily Mom was just like my Grandmother. Cheap, frugal, or what every you want to call it. She doesn’t like spending money. Plus, there is a general distrust of doctors in. It means that two men go out, and only one walks back. Usually the other is brought back by stretcher, and depending on what kind of shape he is in, it's then decided on what to tell the person in charge that day what happened. There have, over the years, been some pretty wild stories cooked up. To a man, they will all swear to it, even though the brass knows what's happening. It's usually written up in the record exactly as it has been reported by the men. One time in Uganda, I had two men go off and settle it between them. It was written up that the other man got drunk and tried to wrestle with a full grown gorilla that he had stumbled on in the bush when he went to empty his bladder. I know for a fact this one was still talked about among the men in the Regiments even today. It was one of the many ways the men became even closer together. Unlike the Military in the U.S., it was accepted, even though it wasn't condoned. Usually the problem between the two of them went away after.
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