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The course as a whole taught me a lot, too – not the least in the things that I didn’t like. 6 – SOME HOME-GROWN GROWING So, what did I learn from the tantric meditation course? I learned that inactivity is not necessarily a bad thing. I also learned that I kind of liked when circumstances were less than perfect. I had eaten horrific food, slept in an uncomfortable bed and made love to a woman who was, not ugly, but less than fantastically gorgeous. And I had enjoyed it, even the food, knowing it was for a limited time. Maybe I should travel the world. If so, I would do it backpacker style instead of richguy style. I remembered something I read once, about a girl who was allowed to hang with the cool kids in school, but got out pretty soon because it was so boring. As un-cool she was allowed to play or to be enthusiastic about things. The cool kids were just hanging around being bored. I had always been one of the cool set, and God had I been bored. It was time to see the world from. Over the next few months, I continued to send him pictures of myself. Each photo sent, resulted in a compliment or words of praise. His words of encouragement slowly chipping away at the negative image I had of myself. Like a drug, I found myself addicted to his reactions, a need to feel that rush of happiness as he complimented me. I knew he meant it. I trusted this man with my deepest secrets and he never betrayed that trust. As time went on, my pictures got naughtier and naughtier. Each photo I sent pushed the boundaries further than the last, in the hope that I would gain a greater reaction. The more aroused he became by my photos, the more confident I became. It started spreading out into my offline world. I started walking down the street with my head held higher. Gradually with Rick’s words ringing in my ears, the laughter and stares no longer triggered me to think they were talking about me. I noticed more glances in my direction from men. I started making more of an effort.
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