But I wasn’t optimistic. After all, I’m the kind of woman who compares her lover’s thing to a zucchini rather than a cucumber. I knew I didn’t stand a chance. I began humming to myself and then recognized the song, ‘Sometimes you’re the windshield. Sometimes you’re the bug… Sometimes you’re a fool in love.’ ***** I found the house with no trouble. It was a big old place with a maple tree in the front yard. I bet there used to be a tire swing hanging from that tree in the old days. It looked like a great place to grow up. Charlie’s Mom must have been looking out for me because she opened the front door and ushered me in, even before I could ring the doorbell. She wasn’t fat, just spread out a bit after bearing and raising so many children. She looked like, well, she looked like a mother. ‘Call me Shirley,’ she said, ‘and, no, I don’t even know a Laverne.’ But she didn’t look like a Shirley. She looked like a Mom. She offered me a cup of coffee and a plate of brownies that didn’t come. Of course he hated school. With his haircut he was bound to catch someflack from his fellow students. His mode of dress didn't help hisreputation either. Almost all of the boys wore their pants down exposingtheir boxers, wife beater shirts and otherwise sloppily attired. His largegold ball earrings didn't go unnoticed. He was called numerous derogatorynames, shoved as he walked down the halls and books knocked out of hishands by the bullies. The girls were mostly nice to him but no one tookhim seriously. He wound up being that new kid sitting at the back table inthe cafeteria with the rest of the losers. What ego he had remaining wasfragile and insecure. As a result he tried his best to become asinconspicuous as possible.After school he had to dress in girl time mode. He complained that firstday but five swats convinced him to obey. Once dressed and makeup appliedhe did his homework. Once he completed his assignments, he helped with thehousehold chores and assisted in.
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