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That image kept being superimposed with his sightless staring eyes and the ashen color of his skin. I kept seeing his crumpled body as it laid unmoving upon the cold, rough cement of the long-forgotten underground chamber. I was haunted by his death, and I’d forbidden Malachar from allowing me to forget. I didn’t deserve that luxury. I needed to have him haunt me as a reminder so that it didn’t happen again. I did ask him to help me to suppress the memories and imagery of chopping the Devil’s corpse up though. I didn’t want to handle those nightmares; they weren’t the same as grief.I’d used my own ability to relieve the burden of remorse and overwhelming sadness from the others. It wasn’t their fault any more than it had been Mr. Montpetit’s. It’s ironic that only after his death could I learn to pronounce his name right. I’d seen the tears on his broken-hearted wife’s face when she had answered the door and realized who I was, and that had definitely helped me to imbibe that. I had. .and that I liked it so much. But I had no idea this was happening. I didn’t know he was hurting this way. “I’m so sorry.” Is all I can muster as a response. I know that doesn’t begin cover it, but this situation is so fucked up, I can’t even think. He steps closer to me, standing right in front of me and pulls my chin up. “ I’m sorry Chanel. For everything. It was wrong of me to put you in this situation. And I know I’ve made it quantifiably more difficult by being with you, but...now I don’t want to stop. Part of me was hoping you’d tell me you didn’t want me that first time, so I could give up and deal with my shit like a man. But I could see you wanted me, too. And being with you....does make me feel like a man again. Like I can control something around me. Not that I want to control you. God, this is coming out wrong.” He releases my chin to run a hand through his dark brown hair again. With all these new revelations, the first thing I want to address is his pain. Because.
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